My Sign

I wish I could wear a sign around that says:

"I just had a baby a month ago, please give me a break."

Particularly when:

- I am running so slow on the treadmill that I might as well be walking
- It takes me two hours to load up my car in the parking lot
- I am like Goldilocks and can describe my clothes as either too big or too small
- I have generally not showered when I go out into public
- Nick comes home and tries to be as nice as possible when he says as he looks around the house, "So . . . what did you do today?"

What's happenin'

To answer the title of this post: not much. I am merely giving in to peer pressure by posting pictures of Holland. And I can't believe its taking peer pressure from my friends and family to get more pictures taken/posted. I am slipping. Yikes! Poor second kid is neglected. Last night Nick and I were having a sporadic conversation upstairs. After about twenty minutes, Nick goes, "Hey, where is Holland?" And I responded with, "Oh yeah, we have a baby." :)

Most of the time, when she's not being ignored, we love to cuddle with her. She rolls up into a pefect little ball. The creepy thing about this picture is I have an ultrasound picture that is identical. It was during this ultrasound that the technician was freaking out about how chubby her cheeks were and Briz thought it was hilarious.

Holland hates to be cold. She gets royally pissed when someone tries to change her diaper or clothes. Generally she is quite a mellow thing. But when one of these two things happens, she lets you know right away. Note: She also hates to be kept waiting when she's hungry. She's a total porker.

I am very proud of this picture because I caught her with her eyes open (even though you can't really see her all that well). She still hardly ever opens her eyes, at a little over 3 weeks. Is it wrong for me to want her to stay this way until she's 17? Sure it might mean she's a little slow but it would be well worth it.

I thought that Brizzy's love for Holland would die down but it has been the exact opposite. Her affection just seems to get more intense and aggressive! Here are some things she does to Holland:

-Runs toy cars over her face

-Sings to her. Usually I am a Child of God. Eh, that song!

- Shares her toys with her. And then gets very frustrated when Holland doesn't wake up to play with said toys. Briz will poke her in the eyes and sometimes try to pry her eyelids open.

-Tries to help Holland when she is crying. In the car the other night, when Holland was crying she tried to hold her hand. "Holland, hold my hand. Stop crying little girl! Mom, Holland won't stop crying!"

-Jumps on top of her. The other night, Holland was lying on her bed when Brizzy full on jumps in the air and lands on her knees on top of Holland. Nick's instinct was to throw Briz off her bed. When we asked her what she was doing, she said she was trying to bounce Holland. Duh.

Because we are incredibly spiritual people, we have been trying to read the Book of Mormon with Briz. And when I say we, I mean Nick. I generally just sit there and laugh uncontrollably. Briz has been talking a lot about Laman and Samuel being good boys. I mean, she's smart, but not that smart. She's a little confused. What she never gets confused about is Sariah. She loves her.

Briz and Nick have been wresting a lot these days. This particular fight was over Brizzy's princess crown. She loves it. She wears it all day every day. She is obsessed with anything princess. Whose child is this?!

Nick and Briz getting their energy out. They have way too much. The upside to this with Briz is that she takes crazy long naps. Nick is also a very heavy sleeper, but that is not the best thing with a newborn. I generally have to hit him on average 10 times before he gets up with Holland (note: I am a really good wife and hardly ever make him up, but that also may be because its way too much work to get him out of bed).

I am torturing Holland here; its right before a feeding. And while she may think the couch is food, she is getting a bit of an ab workout in. She will thank me someday.

I think its a great thing I take a bazillion pictures of my kids. However, I have corrupted Briz. She has turned into a little poser. Every time she holds Holland she looks at me and says, "Take a picture." She does not get this blue steel pose from me however. She gets it from these crazy people. I guess I should just be glad that she is no longer doing her really really ugly fake smile. Seriously, it was scary.

Briz sharing her baby doll with Holland and Holland is pretty freakin' excited about it.


She is a crazy maniac. She likes to push her stroller around a lot, but generally without a doll in it. We have been working on potty training and she has been semi-successful. Besides me actually being home a few hours a day to help her, the big key has been offering her money. Its the biggest motivator for her. She's a greedy little toddler that loves money. Whenever she finds change lying around the house, she quickly steals it and puts it in her bank.

Holland doing what she does best: sleeping. Her stats for two weeks were:

Length: 20 inches, 35 %ile Weight: 8 lbs., 39th %ile

We also found out at the dr.'s that we have thrush, but luckily we caught it pretty early and it is now almost gone.

She likes to sleep with her head resting on one arm. It has been a complete 180 from having Briz. It's just so interesting how they come with little personalities. She is sweet and mellow and I am pretty sure Nick nor I have anything to do this that :)

2 weeks old

Holland turns 2 weeks old tomorrow. It really has already gone by so fast. I can't believe two weeks ago at this moment, I had a big baby in my belly. Very weird. So far things have gone so much more smoothly than I anticipated. Here are some facts about Holland:

-She loves to eat and is a great eater (which is a huge relief considering Briz really struggled).

-She also loves to poop and pee. I mean, this girl is regular. Again a huge relief because Briz didn't poop for 10 days after being born.

-She gets extremely angry when we change her clothes or diapers. When she gets to practice using her vocal chords.

-She grunts a lot, particularly when she starts to get hungry.

-She hardly ever opens her eyes. Nick told me yesterday he thinks she might be slow. It also makes it tough to figure out exactly who she looks like because we don't see her eyes often.

-She is pretty mellow and sleeps a ton! At night she generally goes for 5 to 6 hours. I am an extremely ungrateful mom, and still sigh unhappily when she wakes up to eat in the middle of the night.

-She is very sweet and loves to roll up in a little ball and snuggle with anyone willing to hold her.

-She loves the sound of her mom and dad's voice and pretty much stops crying instantly the second we start talking to her.

-She loves music and the sound of water.

-She has freakishly long limbs, fingers, and toes.

-She has already added a great spirit to our home and family. She makes everyone around her happier. We like her a little.

Brizzy giving her sister goodnight kisses.

No more pictures Mom!

Very relaxed during bath time.

Not Your Average Short Post

Normally, I try to limit my prose and simply post some pictures to update people on our lives. However, I am giving a fair warning to the reader that this post may include more writing than normal. I will try to add pictures, but there will be few.

For anyone who knows me even a decent amount, they know that with my pregnancy with Briz I got this freakishly random disorder during my third trimester called Cholestasis. This whole pregnancy, I was unsure as to whether I would get it again. In the readings I had done (thank you WebMD and Wikipedia) I had read that there was anywhere from a 70-90% chance that it would reoccur with each pregnancy. However, I was still hopeful that perhaps I would escape these odds and have an itch-free last few weeks. With Briz, the itching started at about 29 weeks or so. Right before I got it, I had a terrible flu. None of this had occurred and I was in Utah for a Cottle family reunion. I had decided to stay an extra week or so to see friends (was still not enough time by the way) and visit with family a little bit more. It was during this second week after Nick already flew home to go back to work that the itching occurred randomly out of nowhere. I was about 30 weeks. I noticed it at night at first. And then it soon became nonstop. When I got back to Oregon, I told my doctor and the frequent doctor visits began. Because it is so rare and weird, there is very little known about it, so I heard the word "precaution" a lot. It seems that no one is quite sure exactly how it can affect the baby, so just in case, I got to basically live at the doctor's twice a week. I would receive non-stress monitoring on the baby, a doctor's visit, and generally about two ultrasounds a week. The upsides of all of this: I got to know my little girl pretty well (how she moves, how her body works, what she looks like). The other upside: Briz LOVES going to the dr.'s and is best friends with everyone there. She named the baby in her belly, and now the baby doll she plays with, Teresa, after her favorite nurse. She loved going so much that I often would bribe her to do things. "If you let me brush your hair, we can go to the dr. tomorrow!" What a strange kid.

Having cholestasis was really rough not just because of the dr.'s visits, but because of the sleepless nights. I would say on average I got about 4 hours of sleep at night. I was big and pregnant and tired and grouchy. That made for a very impatient parent of a toddler. Not to mention the fact that Nick was hardly home at all. So now I'm also a single mom. Poor Briz. And for anyone who knows Briz, she's a bully. She is smart and manipulative and could sense my weakness. She took full advantage to run the show around the house and rebel as much as she possibly could. I thought I could handle this for a while, however. I was wrong, around 35 weeks I was done. Ready for this baby to get out of me.

I worked with my doctor to set a date around 37 weeks. The 23rd of August put me at 26 weeks and 6 days. It was a good thing too, because the week before my delivery, my levels of toxins in my blood spiked and the perinatologist recommended the baby come out a.s.a.p.

My doctor told me to come in at 12:01 a.m. on the 23rd. They were going to give me some medicine to get my body ready for delivery. And hopefully by the morning I would be more ready and they would put me on pitocin. I went in to see the dr. the day of the 22nd to see how ready I was. And yeah! I was dialated to a 3. So they let me push back the time to a 6 a.m. and were just going to put me on pitocin right away. The night before I was able to get Briz' stuff all ready, take her to my parents house, shower, shave, pack my bags, and try to prepare myself mentally for labor. Yikes! Still only slept 2 1/2 hours.

I have to say, overall, labor was an amazing experience. I never thought I would use that word to describe labor, but it was. Now, this is all relative, because I thought I was going to die the first time. It was traumatic. I still can remember the pain. People say they forget, but I have not. So I went in a little nervous. I was about 90-95% sure that I would get an epidural, feeling pretty open minded to drugs because like I said, I could remember the pain from the first time and I was not excited to experience that again. Nick and I checked in at 6 a.m. I told them right away that I did not want to be put on pitocin. I asked my doc to break my water and that we could take it from there. My dr. is the best. Really, I love him. And I knew he would do what I wanted. They broke my water. I had already been having little contractions. But within an hour, I was having serious contractions. In the delivery room, there was Nick, my Mom, my cousin Madisen, my little sister Sierra, and my aunt/doula Sharyl. They all got there pretty quickly after my water was broken. I was able to be up and moving most of the time. I was walking, using one of those big exercise balls, standing and swaying a lot, etc. They have to monitor me the whole time, but luckily they had a transportable monitoring thing that I wore like a purse. I postponed getting checked as much as possible because I didn't want it to mess with my mind. I was very very relaxed and very very focused. My aunt would massage me during contractions. She would encourage me and help remind me to breathe down into my stomach. It was the craziest experience because I felt so connected with my body. I could actually feel little Holland moving down inside me. I could still feel her little foot pushing up at the top of my uterus. I like to think she was helping me out a bit.

After a few hours, I decided to get in the tub. And I progressed a ton in there. If anyone ever has access to a jacuzzi during labor, I highly recommend it. I used it with Briz as well, and it was probably the least traumatic half hour of her delivery. But this time it completely sent me into transition. Another thing that I did differently this time is that I made a lot of noise. When I was having a very painful contraction, I would let out really deep moaning noises. And I pictured physically moving Briz down as I would sort of yell. But it was still very controlled and I tried to stay with my pain as much as possible. I got back to the room and I was at a 7. At that point, I decided to forego the epidural because even though it was painful, I felt pretty good. Transition was hard. I'm not going to lie. But with Briz, I didn't have any breaks between contractions. This time, I did. I had breaks inbetween contractions the whole time, even up through pushing. That made it tolerable. I experienced transition for about an hour, and I started to get emotional. A lot of it was out of just being in a lot of pain, but the other part of it was me feeling very sentimental about the moment . This pregnancy has been very hard for me. I have had some rough moments during the pregnancy and during this time in delivery, it all clicked and made sense. It all of a sudden seemed worth it. I was able to sort of forget myself and think soley about this little girl inside me. I realized that she is a little spirit and this was a very important spiritual/eternal moment to have her be born and join our family. I was overwhelmed with love at having these people around me during delivery. They were helpful and loving and I couldn't have done it without them. It was just very special.

This special moment quickly left when I started pushing :) The dr. came in and checked me and I was at a 10. I was ecstatic and even chanted in the air. But that's only because I had no idea how hard pushing would be for me. I pushed for about 45 minutes but I sort of lost it. They were trying to get me to push three times during a contraction and I absolutely refused. I just kept screaming, "I can't do it!" My dr. was extremely patient with me and let me breathe through some of my contractions. But he would also warn me that the less I pushed during a contraction the longer it would take. And I would think to myself, "Damnit!" I started telling the baby she needed to get out of me right away. I started pleading with her. And then I started to think, "How can I get out of this at this very moment? There's got to be a way." I literally did not think the baby would ever come out because I just didn't think I could do it. My final tactic was to start negotiating with the dr. I pressed him to give me a number of how many more pushes. He would say something like, "A few." And I would respond with, "Like two? Will she be out if I push two more times?" I persisted for a while and continued to negotiate. But somehow, someway, I was able to push her out. When her head came out, I sort of thought I could give up. But her damn shoulder got in the way. And then she was out. And I cried and cried simply because it was over!!! And I held her slimey, white body and was just so ecstatic that she finally came out of me. And I loved her right away. I had the thought, "Of course, here she is. It's perfect. She should be here right now at this very moment."

These might sound like very unenlightened thoughts, but they meant a lot for me because as I have said, I have struggled during this pregnancy a little. I questioned how I would feel once she was born. Don't tell Briz, but I think I may love her a little more :)

During labor. My doctor came in at one point and I was smiling. And he goes, "Still smiling, okay, I'll come back and check you later." In other words, clearly I couldn't be too far along. Sierra made me smile for this picture. It was the last in the series of "I hate having my picture taken when I'm pregnant!"

Nick, Mom, and Sharyl analazying the charts and my contraction. It was a fun group activity :)

Sharyl at work during a more serious contraction. So focused I can't even make my "Please don't take a picture of me" face.

You . . . tah!

This is how Briz pronounces Utah. And by the way, anyone who doesn't live in Oregon, lives in Utah, according to Briz.

I am really far behind in my posts and I am also way too tired and lazy to try to catch up. I have posted a bazillion pictures on Facebook, so if you want to see them, go here to my facebook page.

So here is what we've been up to:

First Two Weeks of July we drove out to Utah. The first week we were there, we went to Bear Lake for a Cottle Family Reunion. The bummer thing about that trip is how almost everyone in our condo got sick. By an absolutely miracle, Nick, Briz, and I didn't get sick. Hallelujah! I don't think I could have handled it. I was already exhausted and frustrated that I couldn't participate in most of the activities. My favorite thing about the week was seeing Briz play with her cousins, Libby and Kloey. They loved each other and it was so cute to see. All week they were yelling each others' names because they were so excited to see each other. Briz also loved following her "big girl" second cousins around.

Nick flew back to Portland and I stayed for another week. I hung out with the Sharp family and also got to see some of my friends there. Anna was like my personal nanny for the week, so I got extremely spoiled. It was fun to see Daniel, Carly, Meredith, Mary, Amander, Sam, and Maggie, and others. I even went with Sam and Mary to my last pre-pregnancy concert: Ben Fold's. It was fun trying to see how many people I could disgust with my big belly dance moves. I was pretty successful I think. Briz got to play with Sadie; they had fun swimming, and she still talks about Sadie and Baby Elise living in Utah. We miss Utah and all of our friends and family there. But next summer, I will be able to do so much more since I will have my body back. Woohoo!

The Beach . . . brrr

A few weeks ago, I think in the month of June sometime (but who really knows because its all a cloudy blur) I took Briz to the beach. Sierra was back in town from Africa, and I wanted to show her a good time so I brought her along and let her freeze at the beach. It's no secret that I really like to complain about the Oregon weather this year, and just a forewarnng: I am going to continue to do so as long as it continues to suck this bad!

We met up with my aunt, Yah yah, cousin Madisen, and the twins she nannies, Cole and Ty. Or as Brizzy calls them, just CoTy.

Here they are all playing together. We are constantly working on our sharing skills because Brizzy still has a tendency to be a bully.

She is crazy and loved walking in the water. I thought she would freak out when she felt how cold it is, but her feet must have gotten numb instantly cause she thought it was the greatest thing.

More marching.

With YahYah (who is also my doula). This is right before Briz fell flat on her face. Even though she was sad, it was pretty funny and like the negligent mother that I am, I spent a lot of time laughing at her.

Mads with one of the twins.

For some reason, I have a lot of kissing action shots between Sierra and Briz. Maybe one day I'll make a book out of them.

Even though it wasn't good weather, it's always good to go. The Oregon coast is absolutely beautiful even in the cold, wind, and rain. And I'm glad Briz still likes the beach. Don't know what I would do with her if she didn't.

Seattle

In June sometime, Nick had to go up to Seattle to get his new passport expedited. Did I mention why? Oh yeah, because his company decided to fly him to London last minute. He's got a rough life! Luckily, I had been sort of prepared for this. He had mentioned about a month earlier that they wanted to send him to London, and the first time he told me I almost cried. I started going into convulsions and tried to get over my rage/depression by immediately writing down lists of things he needed to see and do. It got postponed a few times so by the time it actually happened, I was composed (for the most part).

Anyhoo, this summer has been nuts. Not just because the weather is probably the worst of all time in Oregon, but because Nick and I have seen very little of each other. Sometimes when people mention him, I respond with, "Nick who?" He was trying to be very nice and invited Briz and I to come to Seattle with him, so we had a quick over the night staycation. It didn't go exactly as planned as Briz got sick. But hey, it was something.

We took Briz to the children's museum (its free the last hour of the day by the way, free being one of my favorite words) and she wasn't that excited, since most of her time was spent in the bathroom. The word of the weekend was "isgusting!" She's good at copying what I say.

Nick was trying really hard to force her to have fun, but it just didn't work too well.

At Seattle City Center at the big water fountain with Briz. The good old days when picking her up didn't make me feel like my back was going to give out.

Trying to be as enthusiastic as possible about the ginormous water fountain.

Just scoping things out with Dad.

Possibly my favorite part of the trip was discovering this tiny little pancake place in Bellevue. The food was awesome! Holy crap, I didn't know pancakes could taste that good (I may be bias as a really hungry pregnant woman). Here is Briz waiting to be seated.

And the flowers outside the pancake house didn't make me hate it either, if you know what I mean. Okay maybe you don't, but I love flowers.