Wednesday, June 18, 2014


Normally after delivery, I am excited to document the new arrival of my little one.  I want to show off my sweet little baby and share her with the world.  But I have not been extremely motivated to take pictures or to document anything.  I'm pretty sure its the drugs, because in most of my spare moments, I just want to sleep.  However, I know that I will appreciate it later, so here it goes.  

This was such a completely different delivery experience than my first two.  I had learned early on that there was a fairly high chance that I would have a c section, so I made my peace with it a while ago.  But in the back of my mind, I was still hoping that I could deliver vaginally.  As it came closer to my 37 week mark, things became somewhat hopeful.  The placenta moved slightly, but just not at the rate that it needed to.  I had one last ultrasound on Monday, June 9th to make sure everything was healthy.  Up until the last minute she was still moving around a ton.  She looked like she had some chubby cheeks, and weighed in around 6 lbs. 15 oz.  Since those measurements at the end can be really really off, I was guessing she would weigh about 7 lbs. 4 oz.  (Nick and I both made bids - his was 6 lbs. 13 oz.)

That night, I tried to finish all of my preparations.  I was trying to get my house clean, do laundry, etc. and eventually gave up because I was having way too many contractions and there is just not enough time in the day (I may have also opted to take Brizzy swimming with her cousin).  We went to Dad's softball game, dropped Briz off at Papa and Nona's, received a blessing, and went home to try to sleep.  I thought my mind would be racing way too much to sleep that night, but I felt surprisingly calm. I still didn't sleep, but it was because of pregnancy discomfort. 

We woke up at 5 a.m. the next morning, headed into the hospital ready to rock n roll.  I was surprised at how busy I was,  getting prepped for surgery the whole two hours before.  When I have been induced, they have asked me to get there two hours before, but most of it is just waiting around.  But I was constantly having someone come in and talk to me/ask me questions, and getting something poked at me.  About 30 minutes prior to surgery, I started feeling like I was going to pass out.  I'm not sure if my fluids were low or what, but I started to feel nervous that I already felt nauseous, nothing had even happened!  Luckily, about five minutes prior to heading into the OR, I started feeling normal again.  I was still really nervous because I had no idea what to expect.  

Nick was majorly disappointed that he didn't get more professional scrubs.  

They led me into the OR, while Nick waited.  I loved my nurse anesthetist; she was kind and clear.  She made me feel like I was in good hands.  Getting the spinal was probably the most painful thing I experienced that day.  It stung a little bit, but still, nothing compares to an amnio!  They rolled me onto the table and I started feeling warm and numb.  Before I knew it Nick was headed into the room, and they were getting ready to slice me open.  I felt excited and extremely comfortable.  Nick was there, and just the anticipation made me start to cry.  I felt so grateful to be here, to be so well taken care of, and to be sharing this with my husband.  I also felt extremely grateful for the end of pregnancy!  

Never smiled like this during natural childbirth :)

Nick was really into the surgery.  He was taking pictures of it all, and I loved that he wasn't grossed out.  I asked him to give me a play by play of what they were doing, and he just was in awe of how cool it all was.

This picture is a little hard to see, but if you look closely you can see her head popping out of my stomach.  I tried to pick one that wasn't too gross.

Right before she came out, they warned me I would feel pressure.  One doctor pressed pretty hard on my ribs and the other doctor pushed from the other side, and out she came, like toothpaste out of tube.  It was strange not being able to see it happen.  But once I heard her cry, I was in how of how much I was in love with her.  Her cry in particular meant so much to me because that was all I got. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I had ever heard! She cried extremely loud and I felt overwhelmed.  My doctor told me she had a cute, pixie little face. He also shared that she was covered in a lot of varnex. 

Here is the other assisting doctor showing her to Nick after delivery and being wiped down.

Nick followed her over to the table.  She weighed 6 lbs. 12 oz. (technically 6 lbs. 11.8 oz.) and was 20 inches long.  Nick brought her over to me to show her to me, and I thought instantly she looked a lot like Holland.  I was just shocked at how little she was.  Even her cute little features were little.  She was SO cute.  She also had a little pinhead.  I was not expecting my c section baby to have a bit of a conehead, but apparently its because she was so far down for so long.  She of course has really really long fingers and toes, 

They placed her on my chest, but because of the curtain there wasn't a lot of room.  I loved feeling her lie on my chest and sort of tried to sit up to get more comfortable, and then of course quickly realized I couldn't move.

My sweet girl.  I wanted her to stay on my chest for a long time, but I couldn't hold her comfortably and I couldn't see her. So I passed her off to Dad and they soon left to go do some more tests back in the recovery room.

Nick was instantly in love.  

Getting her first bath.  I was sad they did this before I got back into the room.  But luckily Nick took pictures and gave me a play by play.

My family was all there to meet her, but they made them wait around for a few hours before they could see her.  The nurse let Briz come in soon after getting back though, and she was a little confused by what was going on.  She didn't seem to care too much about her baby sister.  But after coming back a couple hours later, she was obsessed.  Not sure where the 180 came from, but since that second visit she has continued to be obsessed with her baby sister.  She wants to always hold her and loves kissing and touching her face.  

Overall the c section was a pretty easy process.  I had no complications; it seemed to go as smoothly as it possibly could go.  I was worried about not attaching to the baby because I didn't go through the hard work of labor, but I just loved my sweet feisty girl and knew instantly what a strong, special little girl she is.  I felt grateful for modern medicine, because without it, there is a good chance Wembley or I could have died during labor.  Sort of daunting to think about that.  The doctor also told me that she had the cord wrapped around her neck twice and body once, so there was a good chance I would have had to do an emergency c section.  I was so happy she was here and healthy!  She is a very loved little baby.  And both her and I received many prayers and love.  I felt them during delivery and soon after.  Even though it was very different from previous labors, it felt like such an amazing miracle.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Memorial Day

Normally, I sort of despise Memorial Day Weekend.  We never have anything planned and its usually crappy weather.  But this year was a pleasant surprise.  I was bummed because I wanted to take advantage of the nice weather and do something active.  We had a fun afternoon/evening with the Papworths playing baseball at the park, having a bbq, and then roasting marshmallows in our backyard.

Then Memorial Day, we continued our tradition of cleaning graves at Holland's infant cemetery.   It ended up being a party with Papa and Nona showing up, as well as the Papworths.  It's not a big thing, we aren't able to clean all of the graves, but it still feels good to try to do something nice, while also remembering Holland at the same time.   I love that Briz is familiar with this special place and looks forward to visiting and talking with her little sister.  I know that she doesn't remember her, but she will have a lot of memories of honoring and loving her.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Love Love

I have loved a lot of the classes I have put Briz in the last few years, but I think this one ranks among one of my favorites.  I enrolled her in tennis, really unsure of whether she would actually learn any tennis.  But she loved it.  She ate it up, and I love to see her skills develop.  Sometimes I don't think I give her enough credit, but when she puts her mind to it, she can be a good little athlete.  She gets extremely focused, she listens, and she hustles.  But best of all, she gets extremely proud of herself for doing anything right, and she is smiling about 90% of the time.  Oh yeah, I also loved watching her in her cute little Nike tennis skirt.  Can't wait to play some tennis this summer!