Thursday, February 23, 2012

Happy 6 month birthday

I know I posted something about Holland yesterday, but it just so happens that the 22nd and 23rd are back to back.  (Yes, that's right, I can count).  And I normally just sort of include my thoughts and feelings into one post for both days.  But today feels significant, with her being 6 months.  It's a big milestone for a baby.
And it's extremely bittersweet to think about what she would be doing right now.  It makes me happy to think about my little girl alive and happy.  But it also reminds me of how much I miss her and wish she were with me. My aunt sent me a quote a few months ago that I think depicts how people feel when they lose a child, more specifically, a baby:

"When we bury the old, we bury the known past, the past we imagine sometimes better than it was, but the past all the same, a portion of which we inhabited.  Memory is the overwhelming theme, the eventual comfort."
"But, burying infants, we bury the future, unwieldy and uknown, full of promise and possibilities, outcomes punctuated by our rose hopes.  The grief has no borders, no limits, no known ends, and the little infant graves that edge the corners and fence rows of every cemetery are never quite big enough to hold that grief.  Some sadnesses are permanent."
- Thomas Lynch, The Undertaking

Our sadness for Holland is permanent, but so is our love.  Our knowledge that she still exists is permanent, and so is the knowledge that we will see and be with her again.  I am also extremely grateful for the few and simple memories we do have of her.  Her pictures and videos never get old for us.

(I swear, a more lighthearted post will be coming soon:) ).


Maggie said...

One thing that's hopefully nice about the digital age...some tangible documentation with videos and pictures. Thinking about you guys today. Happy 6 month birthday Holland.

Unknown said...

I'm taking the boat out of storage in memory of Holland today. That's what she would have wanted to do. That video made all the good boat memories come back. Thanks for sharing.

Brett Nelson said...

Brett is unknown

Amander said...

Oh, sweet Holland. I love how you said that your sadness for her is permanent but so is your love. That's a wonderful sentiment.

Crystal said...

You are amazing - thanks for sharing.