Wednesday, April 11, 2012


Easter was a wonderful weekend. It was actually sunny! That, in an of itself was a miracle. We had a great time doing a lot of fun things:

- Grandpa and Grandma were in town from Utah and we had fun with them
- Grandma Julie bought Briz a frilly Easter dress
- We had a somewhat lame Easter egg hunt at the arcade down the street
- We went and saw the Easter Bunny at Albertsons where Grandpa threatened some nice grocers
- We had an Easter brunch with German pancakes
- We searched for Easter baskets, starting off with Holland's Easter Basket
- We ate a lot, a lot of sugar. A lot!
- We had a beautiful Easter church service***
- The Cottles had a big gathering/Easter dinner/Easter Egg hunt

It was a beautiful day for many reasons. We visited Holland's grave the day before and as always, I had very mixed emotions. But by the time Sunday rolled around, and I was sitting in church, I was filled with joy, happiness, gratitude, and even a bit of excitement at the thought of not only my daughter Holland being resurrected, but my whole family.
I still feel so much pain so often, and at times, it still feels unbearable. I cannot comprehend the atonement. I am confused by it even. But I do believe it happened. And I believe that Christ can empathize with me like no one else can in the grief and pain I have and continue to experience. I am grateful for him as a friend and comforter.
Never before have I understood how real the atonement is. I wish life was easier at times. I wish that death didn't come with such a sting. But I am learning that, really, that's just life. Physical and spiritual death bring sadness and despair. But the atonement and resurrection bring hope and happiness. How wonderful it is to feel happy so soon after I lost my precious daughter. And I felt that happiness on Easter. Never before have I been so grateful for Christ and this Easter holiday. We missed Holland but she is always near us. And one day we'll be with her.

As Briz said concerning the resurrection, "We all die . . . but it's okay because then our bodies get fixed." Couldn't have said it better myself Brizzle.


Kera Boaz said...

You are such an eloquent writer. I love reading about your life.

Jana said...

i thought about you, nick and your family this easter. i wondered if this easter would feel different than the past easters--if there would be new meaning for you. wondered/prayed that there was comfort. it is a wonder that one can feel happiness after such despair, and i'm glad you've allowed that to take root.

and that little brizzy sure looks cute super frilly!

Garnerfam said...

I love reading your blog Lexie. We think of you guys often. Easter meant more to me this year as well knowing that my dad would soon pass. I am so sorry. I just want you to know that we still think and pray for you often, and that little Holland is not forgotten.
I am glad you found some comfort. Holland is looking after you. I can feel my dad often. I know they are there!
I couldn't imagine what you are going through, but I do find strength and comfort in just reading your blog. You are such an example of faith to all of us!
Have a wonderful Mother's Day. You deserve it!