Warning: I am about to write some things that are sort of sad (shocker I know!). So if you are not in the mood to heard sad things, then do not continue reading.
These are some hard moments I have had in the last four weeks:
- First few mornings waking up to hearing her cry
- Flying on an airplane from Salt Lake City to Portland, leaving the last place Holland was alive.
- Holding my nephew Dane, hoping that it would help me fill the emptiness in my arms, but realizing that only Holland could do that.
- Going to my first day back at church and realizing that I have to fast (wasn't planning on having to do that for quite some time!). This by the way was more irritation.
- Going to my first day back at church, the day that was Holland was supposed to be blessed and finding out there would be another blessing that day.
- Going to costco: seeing people shop for Christmas presents happily, watching the carts with happy kids, siblings. I ended up wandering around, not knowing where I was walking, and just crying (and most likely getting weird looks from people, but was too caught up in my thoughts to even notice).
- Packing away bottles
- Crying with my doctor and having him tell me I may need medication to help me function.
I have had obviously much harder moments than these, but they are too personal and traumatic to share. But suffice it to say, I think I may have gotten a cold from crying too much. Is that possible?