Stuff We Did

Quite a bit happened in December. So here is the list of stuff that happened:

1. Sierra and Landon came home. I made Sierra come with me to the Nike gym and do some of my workouts with me. It was fun having a buddy.


2. Paul, McKenna, and Dane also came for Christmas. Briz LOVES Paul and McKenna and also talks about their dogs still quite a bit.

3. Seeing as Briz loves their dogs, I tried to convince Nick to buy a dog for Christmas for Briz, but I failed.

4. On the 22nd (which is the 2 month marker of when Holland died), I cooked a big dinner for my family. We also made gingerbread houses.


5. Brizzy ate a whole lot of crap. Some of which I fought her on, some of which I didn't.

6. I made Christmas treats/plates to give to people and never delivered them. So I have A LOT of christmas treats all wrapped up, sitting on my dining room table. I keep trying to make Nick eat them, but he's trying to be all healthy. It's a little annoying.

7. Briz has spent lots of time with family and re-developed her crush on Landon. She has said at least five times randomly, "I miss Landon."

8. We went and saw Mission Impossible 4. Pretty good, but still not my favorite. I do, however, love Simon Pegg in it.

9. Worked on getting a real marker for Holland's grave. Right now, she has a temporary one that looks like this. Nick and I joke with people about just leaving this one there 'cause we're cheap, but most of the time people don't laugh. I guess it's a little awkward when you make morbid jokes, or so I'm told.

10. We visited Holland's grave numerous times. And I had to take a picture of the beautiful view of Mount Hoood. I still love going to her grave and just the cemetery in general. It gives me a sense of peace and calm and reminds me of beauty in life. Sidenote: on the righthand corner is the mausoleum where Grandma Cottle is. Holland is right next to her great grandma. It's a little comforting thinking about that.

11. We decided to not steal our tree off the side of the road and cut it down from the forest this year.

12. We attempted to play in the snow, but there really was none. It's been a warm and beautiful Winter, so I can't complain. But I was a little disappointed that I couldn't play in the snow with Briz. Behind her in this picture is the one small patch of snow I was able to find.

13. Briz and I got to spend lots of time with Nick because he was off work. Now Briz is having a hard time adjusting to Nick being gone. She gets bored with just me, and what can I say, her and Nick are two peas in a pod. They are WAY more alike than Briz and I.

14. Even still, Briz has been giving me lots of love this month (also lots of trouble . . .particularly when she flooded our bathroom floor). She actually cuddled with me for like 5 minutes the other day which is a new record. Either way, she has been very attached to her mom and dad and very concerned whether we're happy or sad with her.

15. On Christmas, we went to Church. I think this was one of Briz' favorite parts about Christmas, dressing up and getting to wear her new necklace from Nona AND her "Holly necklace."

16. I sang in the ward choir, while McKenna and Sierra sat in the congregation laughing at me. But either way, I felt the spirit very strongly and actually loved going to church on Christmas to feel like I could remember the Savior more.

17. Briz got reacquainted with Dane. The last time she saw him, she was still a little confused because it was right after Holland died. But she seemed to understand things much more this time. And just like with Holland, she wanted to hold Dane, but just for quick periods of time. And anytime he cried or spit up, she got a very disturbed look on her face and was quickly done being near him.

18. I spent some time playing with Dane, and what can I say he loved me :) It is a hard thing with him being so close in age to my baby girl. And in the past I have been somewhat apathetic to him. But I found this time that I really wanted to hold him and interract with him a lot. At the same time, it made me miss Holland. As I watched McKenna play and talk to him, I missed my relationship with my little girl. But either way, being with Dane, I had some very sweet moments. I had forgotten what a joy it was to have a baby around, and he reminded me of that.

19. Briz got some Christmas jammies on Christmas eve.

20. Briz got a new play kitchen along with a bunch of other crap. Her favorite items in her stocking were: her purse, bubblegum, and new princess shoes. I really didn't buy her anything besides stuff for a stocking and thank goodness! She is SO spoiled.

21. I am not really one to talk, because I also got really really spoiled. Nick bought me a digital piano and I am in love. I LOVE having a piano around to play. I want to play all the time, and I even started Briz on her first lessons :)

22. It was a relaxed Christmas where we spent pretty much all day opening presents. And there were some very sweet and tender moments. It was a good day. Nick's favorite present was a painting I had done of Holland by Alisha Whitman. I will post a picture of it soon.

23. On Christmas Eve Day, we went to Holland's grave and sang Christmas carols. Briz had fun literally dancing on her grave.

24. Nick turned the big 3-0! This is us out to dinner at the Chart House.

25. I am pretty proud of the fact that I got his name put on the menu. I also cleaned out his office (which was a HUGE feat), and I got him an iPad.

December was a good month. There were very hard moments for me, and it was definitely different than it has been in the past, but I am learning that life in general will be different. Some of those ways are tough, but gradually and slowly they are becoming easier to deal with. And I found hope in getting through our first Christmas with Holland gone, as well as in the New Year.

2011 kinda sucked, so bring on 2012.