Friday, January 11, 2013

Merry Christmas Holland

Every moment of grief for me is a learning experience.  I learn something about my new life and losing my daughter.  That in and of itself is a blessing.  It's a source of growth, which is the purpose of life right?

This month, I was surprised at some moments how much easier this Christmas was than last.  But then there were times where I was surprised at how hard it was.  It's always around big groups of family, because I want to shout from the rooftops that someone is missing.  But I also don't want to always be the buzzkill.  I am grateful for my family that makes an effort to include her in our festivities without me throwing a big stink about it.  

As usual, we went to her grave and went Caroling.  We also watched her updated video that I made.  I loved sharing it with the Hugh cousins, who never had a chance to meet her and weren't able to attend her funeral.  We opened up Holly's stocking first on Christmas with presents that remind us of the true meaning of Christmas, and Mike and Julie gave us their Christmas present to Holland.  Even with those things, it doesn't feel like enough. 

I am a lot harder on myself than I used to be I think in all ways.  I am always feeling like I don't do enough to remember my little girl.  And I want to remember her cause I miss her.  

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